12 Intimacies

February 1, 2009

As Valentine’s day approaches I thought a reflection on the many facets of intimacy would be a great reminder of the many ways we connect to each other as humans with hearts of desire for a sense of belonging.

All relationship connections have great potential to help us learn more about ourselves. Regardless of whether our connections are thick, thin or broken. Here’s how it works in brief
All relationships juice up the deepest form of intimacy
First elt me share how I actually pronounce the word of the day. In – To – Me – See

Here are the 12 intimacies, or ways of being with another. Please click on the link to explore them for yourself and I invite you to share and discuss the list as a valentine greeting for someone or others you care about.

Download The 12 Facets of Intimacy

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Art of Artichoking

September 15, 2008

What is your favourite vegetable and why? Mine is the artichoke. I love artichokes.

On one of my trips to California I was looking forward to visiting Castroville, just north of San Francisco famous for two cultural icons, the artichoke capital of the world, and birthplace of Norma Jean Baker, aka Marilyn Munroe. (Who was ‘Artichoke Queen’ in 1947) I drove past fields of artichoke plants as far as the eye could see but when I pulled into town, every store and most importantly the big restaurant were closed, likely due to a civic holiday. I didn’t get a chance to eat an artichoke burger but I did have time to think up a new metaphor for rethinking life’s challenges.

This week’s Monday morning inspiration of the week garnered so much response that I thought I’d send it to everyone.

So here it is a new verb, “artichoking”

Art of Artichoking

I have unsuccessfully used the image of the onion to get at deeper understandings of life but if you peel back the layers of an onion you get nothing left in your hands and it’s hard to see clearly with tears in your eyes.

The artichoke, however, gives a perfect metaphor. The artichoke has a tender succulent spot on each “petal” as well as a thorn on the tip. Just like a complete life, a delicate mix of pain and pleasure, challenge and support, chaos and order, loss and gain, the balance of life.

How to make artichoke a verb.

Every layer you peel reveals the deeper truth and when complete the insight at the heart of the matter is revealed.

How to Artichoke UP

This is used to shift perception and yucky feelings that something or someone is disliked or a problem. Artichoking up works if you forget how to love something. Ask what is the benefit repeatedly until your heart pops with gratitude.

Example
Step 1: What is a task, activity or job you dislike to do at work?
Step 2 ++ : What is the benefit to someone else that I do this?
Step 3 Take the first response you thought of from step 2 and ask the question again.
Repeat until you get it. You will know.

How to Artichoke DOWN

If you have a problem to solve this works to reveal the essential truth ,issue and starting place.

What is bugging you?
What’s the problem with that?
once the answer comes, and trust your first reaction, then ask again,
What’s the problem with that?
keep asking until the deepest layer is revealed.

Recently I was working with fantastic group of people with big hearts who serve others and encounter difficult people frequently. We selected a characteristic of a difficult person, and artichoked it until we arrived at fear of failure. The lights went on as we realized that one of the deep motivators or drivers with a difficult person is to avoid failure. This leans towards greater empathy for the person and helps us hold space when people are crazy around us. I even have an audio CD on the topic if you are interested, just click below.

Artichoke (rather than choke) a Difficult Person


Child Like Mind

September 15, 2008

I remember playing Pokemon cards with my nephew Malcolm when he was age 10. The characters in the Pokemon series are all founded on the idea of evolution. Pichu evolves to Pikachew, etc. I thank the masterful minds that tapped a deep desire of the childlike mind to grow, change and becoming greater, stronger, faster. This is part of a child’s drive, to be closer to nature and natural functions.

I remember my years training professionals on how to deal with child abuse. We took the children’s stories of entrapment, helplessness, powerlessness very seriously. While defense lawyers offer the counter challenge that a child makes that up, it is really beyond the natural fantasy lives of children. Children naturally have active imaginations for being superheroes, saving people, leaping tall buildings etc. This is aligned with our true nature’s desire for us to grow.

Innerwealth is about touching the child like mind and heart in every person, about caressing awake a place long since forgotten. It is a place of innocence and possibility of play and every present moments of life, marbles, bike rides, frogs and string. Returning to a child like mind.

So what is the child like mind?

– simple direct thoughts
– Innocence and curiosity
– natural urge to grow up and evolve
– need to belong feel capable and be recognized
– play, fun and spontaneity
– listening and trusting the still small voice
– desire for connection
– fairness and sharing/scarcity & competition
– camaraderie/ selfishness
– appreciative take it all for granted

Something to aspire to. If it helps, go for a walk on grass in bare feet and give a little
skip or a hop as you go. Or better still, tender your resignation as an adult. You can use this template if you wish. Writing it in crayon or colored marker has the most impact.

>>>>>>>

Resignation

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 10 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day. I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So . . . here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my tax statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause………..”Tag! You’re it.”


Driven by What’s Inside

September 15, 2008

JM Recently Wrote to me

Hi Mr. Davison, Thank you for for the great insight of the week. I just read one article that stating a brief statement that explains exactly how I am feeling working with these adolescents. It stated something like one day we may not be accomplishing anything and another day we are. It’s always up and down daily and it’s difficult when sometimes I don’t feel like I am helping at all. This is the challenge. Got any advice on how to continue?

My reply to her:

Every week, if it is in perfect balance, and it is, you will have support and challenge, feelings of success and break through and experiences of stuck and doubt. This is normal and natural. Every person on the planet experiences this to various degrees. The ego would like a pat on the back every minute of every day to keep it motivated but the truth is we never truly know what we accomplish because we don’t have the evidence or the ability to read each heart and each future choice made because of our influence. Your acknowledgement need to come from within from the life force that is your unique love for what you do. Driven by what’s inside not expecting nods and applauds.

How to continue:

1. Think long term as what you do builds more than a moment of connection so don’t get caught in looking for instant feedback.

2. don’t be hard on yourself for not seeing the signs of success that is around you and treat positive feedback is icing on the cake, not the cake.

3. expect challenge and set back as a normal swing of the day and week, it doesn’t mean failure it means you are in there feet and hands and heart. (people who don’t “get messy” can shape their world to always feel safe and give the illusion of accomplishment but its like fishing in a fish tank, it’s easy to do)

4. Give thanks for not feeling like you accomplished anything it will keep you humble and kids will trust you more.

5. Dig out the 4 values exercise every once and a while to remember the heart of your teaching when others around forget to validate.

6. Give thanks for what you do because I haven’t met too many people that would trade a day with you and someone has to love these kids.


Dating Adventure

September 15, 2008

I received a note from a subscriber pointing out a possible typo in the following quote attributed to Mother Teresa. Can you spot it?

Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, date it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
– Mother Teresa (part 3-3)

Subscriber LJ Noted

Hi Peter,
I think the saying goes,
“Life is an adventure, dare it,” not
“Life is an adventure, date it” as seen below.
Somehow, I couldn’t imagine Mother T. advising her followers to date. 😉
Still; I enjoyed the laugh tremendously, thanks.

I double checked and replied with the following

Old mother T must have been a pretty foxy lady, actually her original words about adventure was to “date it” Certainly gets you thinking. I wonder how many people get “asked to out” by adventure and say no thanks I’m doing my nails tonight or I have a headache or Survivor is on or other excuses to play safe and cozy behind doors closed to a big life out.

What would a bad date with adventure be like? What would we learn? What would a great adventure date look like, the one you would call up you best friend busting to share? and if there is true got the hots “chemistry” what would a life be like falling in love with adventure as part of our everyday experience?

What is it like to be with Adventure in the back seat at the drive-in movies.

How long would you keep you relationship quiet before announcing that it was the real thing to those closest to you? Who pays and opens the door on a date with Adventure? What would a personal ad from Adventure looking for a date on lavalife or the newspaper personals read like if Adventure was listing?

Here’s a go at it….

“Dynamic, unattached, spontaneous lover of life, willing to be silly if it means being true to myself. I am told I am good looking by my neighbors happiness and bliss. I am can come across as intimidating for those who like to have all the right answers and do things perfectly. I am seeking life-long partner, race, age, gender, body size, income or talents and abilities are not important. My favorite word is Yes and I reading especially true life stories about overcoming adversity and the triumph of the human spirit. I do actually enjoy pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. My idea dance partner must be willing to risk a few steps out side the box and into the unknown every day. Good communicator about hopes, fears and fantasies a bonus. Please call and leave a message about how much you want to live, love and laugh and let’s see if we are made for each other.”

Q. Would you make the call?


Sex and The City Last Word

September 15, 2008

I confess to being a big fan of the comedy/drama series Sex and the City on HBO. I love their indugences and frivolity and of course their discourse on sex, relationships, soul mates, loss and love.

The series ended this spring with a splash. The final scene is shows the main character Carrie walking down the New York street catching a phone call from Mr Big, her long lost love (whose name was finally revealed as John). Below are her last words and the final words of a show that ran 6 successful seasons with a loyal following.

Carrie has the final word on relationships.

Relationships

There are those that open you up to something new and exotic
Those that are old and familiar
Those that bring up lots of questions
Those the bring you somewhere unexpected
Those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back.
But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all
is the one you have with yourself.
and if you find someone to love the you, you love well, … that’s just fabulous!


Pulling Out Splinters

September 15, 2008

I just finished a lively program with a loyal corporate client with a sell out packed house gathered to engage the topic of dealing with difficult people. The group was fun and eager to tackle that “special person” that gets under their skin.

The course is founded on the premise that you have 3 choices. 1. Change your environment, 2. Change the difficult person (Not likely but there are ways, mostly illegal) or of course transform your tiggers and reactions into steady, objective gratitude.

I am in awe of difficult people because they possess and an amazing skill and they often don’t even know it! They know you better than you know yourself. Think about that. How else could they get under your skin without your permission? Knowing yourself better than they do seems to be the sensible goal of any workshop or one to one consultation.

I offer a quick tip process to help you walk in the others shoes, get a little empathy for them, etc. This has helped many get back to doing the work they love.

1. Make a list of the traits of the difficult person

2. Beside each trait list the 3 benefits to them that they are this way. (Get inside their mind and find the motivating payback?)

Complete this and note how your reactive energy has shifted, and it will, guaranteed to the degree you complete the task.

For More Enjoy Self Study CD on the Topic