Philosophy of Ambiguity

September 15, 2008

FOR THOSE WHO Love the philosophy of ambiguity….

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them ?

15. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

17. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

18. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

21. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

22. Does the Little Mermaid wear an alge bra?

23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

24. How is it possible to have a civil war?

25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?

29. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

30. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

31. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

32. Can an atheist get insurance against Acts of God?

Source Unknown

Great Purpose

September 15, 2008

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

– Pattangali

Not a Strong Wind…

September 12, 2008

Not a strong wind,

nor a surge of pressure,

nor a fit of passion,

nor anything

for that matter *

can throw you off

when you have

an open heart

and clarity of purpose.

* nor market forces, nor somebody moving your cheese, nor crying babies, nor corny movies, nor skittish investors, nor infatuations with the opposite sex, nor lousy cash flow, nor nasty divorce struggles, nor cheap wine, nor friends who aren’t there when you need them, nor traffic tickets, nor people that keep doing the same stupid thing despite your support and advice, nor snow storms that cancel big meetings or school, nor irritated drivers, nor impossible deadlines, nor school yard / work bullies, nor sleepless nights, nor a strike vote, nor teenagers pieced and tatooed, nor a fly in your soup, nor thin air, nor self doubt and yucky feelings, nor belly button lint, nor big debt, nor high interest rates, nor running out of viagra, nor an itch with no one to scratch it, nor a hot day with warm beer, nor rain on your wedding day, nor a face lift, nor a garden in a hot, dry summer, nor a free ride when you already paid, nor bad jokes that nobody finds funny, nor deleted documents on the hard drive, nor spam to the brim email inboxes, nor forgetting anniversaries, nor smiling when you don’t feel like it inside, nor dog poop on your lawn in the spring, nor a basement apartment, nor needing a smoke, nor having too much to drink, nor loss of heart, nor decisions George W. makes, nor the golf course, nor somebody moving, nor a house that won’t sell, nor the dream house you can’t buy, nor a hangnail, nor an under appreciative boss, nor a mosquito in your tent, nor a bee in your bonnet, nor a bee in your lap driving fast down a country lane, nor ants at your picnic, nor grass fires out of control, nor hurricanes or floods, nor ……. <comment on your distractions overcome>

Ponder These Anew

September 12, 2008

It’s Always Okay To Begin Again
“The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.” – G.K. Chesterton

Pay Attention to the Little Things
“It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.” – Terry Pratchett

“No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently.” – Agnes De Mille

Know What You Want
“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.” – Mark Twain

Don’t Think You Know It All
“The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life.” – Leo Tolstoy

“And he goes through life, his mouth open, and his mind closed.” – Oscar Wilde

Don’t Be A Couch Potato
“Literacy is a very hard skill to acquire, and once acquired it brings endless heartache – for the more you read, the more you learn of life’s intimidating complexity of confusion. But anyone who can learn to grunt is bright enough to watch TV… which teaches that life is simple, and happy endings come to those whose hearts are in the right place.” – Spider Robinson

“If I show up at your house 10 years from now, and find nothing in your living room but Reader’s Digests, nothing in your bedroom but the latest Dan Brown novel… I will chase you down to the end of your driveway and back shouting ‘Where are the damn books?… Why are you living the mental equivalent of a Kraft Macaroni & Cheese life?'” – Stephen King, to the 2005 graduating class of the University of Maine

You’re Going To Have Some Bad Days
“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.” – Annette Funicello

“Life is like a train. It’s bearing down on you and guess what? It’s going to hit you. So you can either start running when it’s far off in the distance, or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer, and just watch it come.” – Eric Forman, on That 70s Show

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.” – Montaigne

Have Courage
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” – Helen Keller

“Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life.” – Patty Hansen

Love Your Work
“Work is about a search for daily meaning as well as daily bread, for recognition as well as cash, for astonishment rather than torpor; in short, for a sort of life rather than a Monday through Friday sort of dying.” – Studs Terkel

Don’t Forget to Have Fun
“Do not take life too seriously – you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Life is truly a ride. We’re all strapped in and no one can stop it…. I think that the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair’s messed, you’re out of breath, and you didn’t throw up.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.” – Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

“Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” – Grace Hansen

Remember the People Who Are Important to You
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand

“When you grow up, you have to give yourself away. Sometimes you give your life all in a moment, but mostly you have to give yourself away laboring one minute at a time.” – Gaborn Val Orden

Today Is The First Day of The Rest of Your Life
“Life is a journey, and with every step we reach a point of no return.” – Gaborn Val Orden

Whatever You Make of this New Year, I trust it will put a smile on your face

Praise Intensity

September 12, 2008

If you have 5 things to do in a week do leave them till the end of the week? Do you ever get 3 times of much work dumped, done or delegated the day before vacation?

If you answered yes then you know the intensity dance. It’s like a polka between passion and purpose. A saucy little tango of courting expectations and the drive to succeed. Or a rhythmic rhumba of responsibility and rejoicing. True intensity always has a bit of pressure to perform mixed in with stepping along the edge of capability to succeed and incompetence. When you are on the dance floor of intensity nothing else matters but what’s next. Focused and firey. Here’s to the intensity zone when the blinders are on and you surprise yourself at what distractions you say no to as your values shine as crystal clear as the disco ball on the ballroom ceiling.

Enjoy the quotes below celebrating intensity

“The excellency of every art is its intensity, capable of making all disagreeable evaporate.”
-John Keats, English poet

“You try to stay within the rules for the sake of the game, but you can always turn up the intensity.”
-Lawrence Taylor, American football player

“The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.”
-Carl Jung, Swiss psychologist

“There is only one admirable form of the imagination: the imagination that is so intense that it creates a new reality, that it makes things happen.”
Sean O’Faolain, Irish author

“I’m a very intense person. When I go after something, I want to go after it with everything I have. I want to push myself to the edge.”
-Greg Norman, Australian golfer

“Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge.”
-Winston Churchill, English statesman

“We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. But it sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents.”
-Eric Hoffer, American author

“I feel the need of attaining the maximum of intensity with the minimum of means. It is this which has led me to give my painting a character of even greater bareness.”
Joan Miro, Spanish artist

“This curry was like a performance of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony that I’d once heard…especially the last movement, with everything screaming and banging ‘Joy.’ It stunned, it made one fear great art. My father could say nothing after the meal.”
-Anthony Burgess, English author

Click here for tools to Make Intensity Get Results

Small Successes

September 2, 2008

The Full Cycle of Life’s Successes

Life’s a test – and you’re graded on a curve.

—At age 4, success is…not peeing in your pants.
—-At age 12, success is…having friends.
—–At age 16, success is…having a driver’s license.
——At age 20, success is…having sex.
——-At age 35, success is…having money.

——-At age 50, success is…having money.
——At age 60, success is…having sex.
—–At age 70, success is…having a driver’s license.
—-At age 75, success is…having friends.
—At age 80, success is… not peeing in your pants.

It’s a great week to watch for low flying objects
“You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.” (Chinese proverb)

You can also keep your eyes wide open to the horizon and always keep your wits about you by knowing where you have come from and where you are going so those same little birds have less of a chance of “dumping” on you. (proverbial peter)

It’s a great week for global wandering
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” — Mr. A. Einstein

How to get imaginative. Try opening to the best moments when creative imagination can happen: in the bath/shower, in the bed (esp. in semi-lucid waking state), and in the bus/car. Keep a note pad or tape recorder handy in case you feel inspired to jot down your thoughts. And check out a book called Explaining Creativity: The Science of Human Innovation by R. Keith Sawyer

It’s a great week for play…
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation”
– Playto (Plato)

It’s a great week for counting with both feet
“Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.” – George Santayana
P.s. Don’t count the days, make the days count!

It’s a great week for spending lavishly
“If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don’t hoard it. Don’t dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke.”
– Brendan Behan (Irish playright)